What am I supposed to do? I’ve been brought up where any mistake will bring about utter chaos, no matter how small the mistake may be. I’m a fucking mess. I’m scared of making any mistake and I just don’t know what to do.

My aunt has retired this year and it’s been, for a lack of a better word, shit. Her complaints have somehow became more plentiful and sporadic, despite my skepticism. I can’t be seen anywhere in the house without her throwing a fit. Last week was when I went downstairs to make myself a instant cup of noodles. Thought the coast was clear, but it was not. I’ve stopped preparing my own meals for the most part. That would just create more problems with her. This is the woman who complained about the smell of rice one morning and that it affected her allergies, mind you. In case you were wondering, it was just white rice. Does plain rice even have a smell?

I’m at a loss right now. I’m berated at the retail job I’ve been at for more than three years. Customers and management alike stress me out. There isn’t much solace at home, with her stomping about complaining about anything. I have to build up so much mental energy/chi/chakra/willpower, whatever it’s called, just to go out in public. And even then, it isn’t anything to rave about. The most I am is an awkward, stoic mess. Granted I was such before too, maybe with a little less maturity even though that may be debatable, but not it takes energy to keep up with such a weak facade. And I’m tired. I can’t think of how to express how I feel without me sounding whiny or, well, whiny is the right word. Honestly, I’m too tired to be somewhat literate right now anyway. I’m also too tired to care.

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